Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
