dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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