yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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