Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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