pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
