I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
