I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
