You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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