so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
