Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
