Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
