plz talk dirty to me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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