Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
