thus making me awesome and them whores
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
