Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
