if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
