We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
