I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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