Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
