absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
