Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize