I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
