You can't motorboat a personality
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
