Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
