I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
