Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
