I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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