it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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