can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
