I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
