the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the condom got lost in my hair
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
