Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
