i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
