Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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