Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
