woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
