yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
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They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me