the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
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I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
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My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already