are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
