You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize