i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
