Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
