Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
