I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
