I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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