Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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