the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
