i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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