Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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