Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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