saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
