he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
