Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
