I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
