so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
