He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
