My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
