I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
