i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
