I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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