Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
