I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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