It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
