i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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