I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
