this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
