belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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