i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
