i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Fuck appropriateness.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
this is an emotional support booty call
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
