you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize