at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
