I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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