Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
