I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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