i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
