i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
